Ana is taking part in our 31 Miles in May challenge to raise funds for Dementia Care in the Mater Hospital. She shares how Dementia has affected the lives of people she cares for like her father-in-law and mother.
“Willie O’Toole, my father-in-law, was larger than life. Large as he always towered above me, but also large because his kind, sometimes stubborn and witty personality made me, a Spanish gal, very knowledgeable about the country sarcasm. How to survive it and give it back, but also how in hard times resilience and dark humour carried this man to his 91st birthday.
“Willie was a very strong man, worked hard all his life. In 2022 we had our first big scare, he had a stroke. We were lucky, he did recover fairly well from it considering he was 88. But this was the start of his memory loss, the start of his vascular dementia.
“The Mater were exceptional in providing carers and regular doctor appointments to keep an eye on Willie. Every time Willie was admitted, either with an infection or with any complications, the staff were phenomenal. In my husband’s words “outstanding care”, as Willie’s dementia sometimes made him scared, aggressive and confused.
“Late 2025, Willie was admitted to The Mater for the last time. He could no longer fight, and double pneumonia slowly took over. He spent his last months in St Patrick’s Ward. I used to go to see him every Wednesday and the odd Saturday, and any nurse or carer I met greeted me with a smile, with empathy and kindness.
“We lost him December 5th, in his own room, surrounded by his nearest and dearest.
“His memory in the last year drifted back and forth. To his childhood and his life in his beloved Headford. For some reason, many times he had it in his head I was a sheep farmer (nothing further from reality), and we chatted about sheep and their care. I went along with it, informing myself of various facts so I could go back to him in hospital and have a good chat, sometimes the same chat every hour. Dementia does that, it takes away the ability to converse, and you on the other side have to learn to manage it. Follow the patient in their verbal journey of the day, never ever tell them, “No, it’s not like that” or “Do you not remember? I told you…” They are scared enough. To me, keeping them at peace is as vital as any pill.
“I am also in another dementia journey with my mam, who lives in Spain with my sister. I have to keep phone conversations to talking about the weather or chatting about what I did in the garden yesterday or what I planned to cook today for dinner. My mam is Irish, so a conversation about the weather is always a winner. Each time I visit, I see a little deterioration. The hardest part of it all is, I’m not able to be with her. At least, when I talk to her, she still knows it’s me, “Oh Ana, hello my dear.”
“A typical conversation with someone living with dementia can be exhausting. You look at your loved one and you know, mentally they are not and will never be in our world again. You prepare to tell them 10 times an hour how everyone is today and what they are doing and how old they are. And when they have a bad day, you hope they’ll be okay.
“Dementia affects millions of people worldwide and every year, more and more people are diagnosed with dementia. Hopefully I won’t be one of those, but if I am, I think we will all have a better understanding and care, and places like the Mater and the Dementia Care they provide are vital.
“Willie, wherever you are, you were a gentle giant, and I dearly miss your slagging (your son does a decent job too I must say).”
-Ana Camara O’Toole
You can support Dementia Care in the Mater Hospital by donating to our 31 Miles in May Challenge.